DISASTER OR NOT

It was in the 20's yesterday and our furnace and heat pump were being replaced so the house got a little cool. My son, Jeff, has been so aggravated over the furnace situation last winter and this. Repairmen have been out several times, replaced parts, put more freon in-just patching it up to keep it running. It was probably the original  furnace when the house was built and I was aware when we bought it 1 1/2 years ago what we were getting into.  I told him I couldn't get upset over a furnace when there is so much else going on in our world. I am just thankful to be able to get my house warm.

I thought about calling this piece "When Disaster Strikes" but a disaster is losing your whole home to flood or tornado or financial hardship, a disaster is losing a loved one-especially as we have witnessed in terrorists killing for the whole world to see, a disaster is having your family hungry and not being able to do anything about it. Those are disasters, a furnace biting the dust when it can be replaced is not a disaster. 

Now I don't have a money tree in the back yard with $100 bills for leaves that we can go out and pick, neither did it rain pennies from heaven yesterday and we did have to scrape [I do mean scrape] some $ together but we had a home owners warranty that will take care of most of the expense so we aren't so hard hit.  

I have been accused of living in denial at times, well, a lot of the time because I choose to try and look at the bright side of things-at how much worse things could be, at how much more others are going through, at how very blessed I am. 

As I sit here at my window writing this, it is snowing and the temperature is dropping but my home is nice and warm. Each time a repairman came out I could pay for the repair. Yes, there were other things I would rather have done with the money-buy more fabric, shoes, clothes but I could take care of the necessities. 

So here I am living in denial again, looking at the bright side of having dodged the bullet of having to pay for a major repair out of my Social Security. 

And as I sit here at my window, watching the snow, I am choosing to look on the bright side of being 75 years old with good health, a cancer survivor twice over, in my nice warm home with food in the pantry and clothes in my closet and thanking my LORD and Saviour for all my blessings.

Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Eph 5:20 

God bless and keep you

Carolyn Wainscott

Psalm 23

David's confidence in God's grace

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalms 23:1-6 

WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME, WRONG CHOICES

There is a trial just coming to a conclusion involving several college kids that will impact all of them for the rest of their lives. 

All those involved seem to be in the top echelon of the school-star athletes, an honor student.

The athletes were found guilty on all counts of rape of the female honor student. 

All said they were too intoxicated to remember anything about the rape including the rape victim. 

One of the football players and the female student had been partying. He brought her back to his dorm and can be seen carrying her around the hall from room to room with the aid of several other young men. He seems to be having a great time as they all do, smiling and laughing on the videos from the security cameras. 

Video and photos were taken, sent across country, in fact, to friends. One responded, according to his own testimony that they had better get rid of her and all the evidence. Now he is also being charged for some complicity and attempting to destroy evidence and he was hundreds of miles away.

Several young men participated in raping the young woman as she was in the drunken stupor, lifeless, unable to defend herself. 

How can that level of debauchery be reached?

 How do people join in such hurtful behavior? 

How and why didn't someone step up and say "Stop" instead of participating?

How can anyone just turn their back and walk away knowing what is going on, especially to someone so helpless?

Is that evil always lurking in our minds just waiting for its chance to come out when the opportunity arises?

Now, for the events of a few hours of "fun", 2 young men with great futures ahead of them have already been convicted and will spend many years in prison and be labeled as sex offenders for the rest of their lives and more trials coming up for others. Their careers ruined. All of them. 

And what of the young woman? Will she be able to get past this? 

And the families, what about the families? One father principally collapsed at the verdict of his son. His pride and joy. Instead of watching him play football and glory in all the hoopla, he will be visiting him and watching him through bars. 

How sad. So many people's lives changed over night. So many hopes and dreams crushed. 

Each and every one of them were in the wrong place at the wrong time making wrong choices and will suffer the consequences along with all those around them.

This morning's Bible verse from Dr. David Jeremiah was:

4 What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? 5 For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour

Psalms 8:4-5 

Had all those young people remembered the glory and honour that God had crowned them with, honoured the strong, young bodies they were privileged to have, they would now be readying to graduate, starting their careers. Instead, they are graduating into a daily grind of bars, marching to some else's orders and the possibility of the same thing happening to them. 

That is a high price to pay for a few minutes of being in the wrong place, at the wrong time making the wrong choices. I think they would tell all of us that this is just not worth it.

I ask God to be with "All Mine" to keep them safe daily and to lead them into right choices and to keep them out of wrong places and circumstances.

May God bless you and keep you and "All Yours"

Carolyn Wainscott 

HOLD ON MY CHILD, JOY COMES IN THE MORNING

It was Monday morning, wash day in the Spring of 1964. The wringer washer was pulled up to the kitchen sink and filled-no automatic washer or dryer here, the dirty clothes separated into piles of like color and whites. Wash cycles were done, run the clothes through the wringer being careful not to get fingers caught, empty the water with detergent and/or bleach, then refill with clean water for the rinse cycle. I still  think my old wringer washer got my clothes so much cleaner than the automatics but would I want to go back to that-not on your life. 

As I was loading my first load into the water I looked down at my arms and my heart dropped. There were red spots all over both of them and when I ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror, they were all over me. I didn't have to guess what it was. The German measles were going around at school and my son, Jeff, had brought them home. 

I called my doctor to see what I should do because I had just found out that I was pregnant a few weeks before. I couldn't get out because I was contagious. His news at my next appointment wasn't at all good: I was caught in the measles epidemic that was sweeping the country, the first trimester was the worst and the second trimester was next worst for damage the measles could cause. Then he proceeded to tell me all that could go wrong-I had just begun my second trimester. 

There were 6 months left in this pregnancy to have to worry about this child I was carrying. I had been devastated to find I was pregnant to begin with and just as I was getting accustomed to being pregnant again I may be having a baby that could be completely handicapped.

I already had three children under 6 years old. My Jeff was in kindergarten, Kim was 2 in February and Donna wasn't even 1 yet. 

I remember actually asking God what was I going to do, I already had my hands full-did He see what was going on here? I was angry and I kinda, sorta put the pregnancy in the back of my mind, refused to think about it. That is a real fete when you think about ignoring the growth on my front side but I did that.I refused to talk to God about the baby. I did continue teaching Sunday School and even taught for a couple of weeks in Bible School that summer. Getting anywhere was an accomplishment with the bulge on my front, packing Donna on my hip who wasn't walking with Kim hanging onto my skirt and Jeff tagging along usually carrying the diaper bag. 

Oh, I prayed about other things but not the baby I was carrying.  I have thought back over that time. Wondered how I could have pulled that off but I did. Keeping busy with 3 children, just living is what got me through, I guess. 

Sunday evening, October 11, the kids were in the bed and I finally got to sit down to read the paper. I was brought into full reality by the full page spread about the deafness, blindness, retardation the measles I had 6 months before could have on the baby I had pushed to the back of my mind. I was broken and 6 months of prayers and tears took place all through that night. 

The baby was due any time now and I had just been met face to face with what I had put aside these months that could be ignored no longer. At my Thursday, October 15 check up the doctor told me to meet him at the hospital that evening after his office hours-he would induce labor since the baby was ready to be born. I asked him to please just knock me out, I didn't want to be awake for this birth.

Thinking back, checking into the hospital went quickly and quietly, I was put into my room, the doctor came in and broke my water [I know that is a purely technical term], the anesthetist came in with his heavenly brew that would take me to lala land for a little while and off I went. 

Len was the only one there in my room when I woke up, no nurses, no doctor. He told me the baby was a girl and she had been taken directly to NICU. She had weighed 7 lbs. 1 oz. but she had been as white as a piece of paper. The doctor told Len he had never seen a baby look like that. 

And that was Melinda Kay. I couldn't see her till the next day when I walked down to the NICU and had to stand outside the nursery looking at her through a large window. The two babies on either side of her were so tiny compared to her. She looked like a mountain laying there between them at her 7 lb. 1 oz. Everything looked perfectly normal, she had all her limbs, all her fingers and toes. I promised God I would make my children the center of my life and raise them to the best of my ability, no matter what, but please make Melinda ok. Don't let anything be wrong with her. 

He did and I did. We took her home a couple of days later. She was fine, oh, and her color was normal, not the white color when she was born. 

 In the summer of 1966, Melinda was playing with the other kids at my feet around the softball field where Len was playing.      The gal sitting next to me was holding a baby boy I thought might be 3 or 4 months old. He was wearing glasses and kind of cooing at her. She told me he was 1 1/2 years old but she had the measles while she carried him. He had never gotten over 11 lbs., he was principally blind, he recognized her voice, he would never walk or talk, he was always sick. As we compared notes it turned out he was only a month or so younger than Melinda and we both had the measles at the same time in the spring of 1964.

That baby boy has been brought to mind many times in these years. Wondering how he was doing or if he was doing at all because that was the only time I ever saw him. God allows us to see what could have been at times, doesn't He?

Here is a paragraph that I pulled from an article online with the stats that shows what Melinda and our family escaped. I thank God, but never, never enough, for answering my prayers for my 50 year old baby girl and for keeping my family safe and healthy through all these years.

      

From 1964-1965, before the development of a vaccine against the disease, a rubella epidemic swept the United States. During that short period there were 12.5 million cases of rubella. Twenty thousand children were born with congenital rubella syndrome (CRS).: 11,000 were deaf, 3,500 blind, and 1,800 mentally retarded. There were 2,100 neonatal deaths and more than 11,000 abortions – some a spontaneous result of rubella infection in the mother, and others performed surgically after women were informed of the serious risks of rubella exposure during their pregnancy.

And here she is-cute as a button, well, was [still is but then, I am very prejudiced]:

she is that littlest, squirrely one-they were dressed alike quite a bit-poor little thing got the hand me downs so she must have thought she wore the same thing for years and years

 someone also had a black & white camera at the same time

school day photos- I made the blue dress, don't pay any attention to that gap in her bangs, she was rather handy with scissors

here we are paddling our own canoe

modeling the purse she made in a Girl Scout fashion show

of course, she played softball like her dad, I can hear him screaming now at that high pitch she just swung at-that's him coaching down 3rd base line

yes, we do have the team in an open bed pickup truck, never lost not a one-that's her against the cab

 notice that swing is a little lower-I guess that screaming paid off

crazy girl at home

15 years old-we'll stop there

This post is so "All Mine" will know about another time in my life and theirs. So they may see why I have such a strong faith in God. He is our answer. 

May God bless you

Carolyn Wainscott

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At finishing this, there was still no title. I had talked with my sister, Shirley, last night about this piece since it was started yesterday. At times she is a big help with suggestions. She has just sent 2 texts with Bible verses for possible titles,

 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing

Psalms 30:11 

&

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Psalms 31:24

I also read the previous verses of Psalm 30:11 and this is one of our mother's favorites: 

weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalms 30:5

and she would sit and sing one of her favorite songs from the verse  with tears running down her face

so,
for Mom the title is
"Hold On My Child, Joy Comes In The Morning"

So, thank you Shirley for sending me those verses, they did lead me to my title.

NEW YEAR'S EVE-A PAST, THE PRESENT

This morning my Alabaster Box is principally for "All Mine". This is to tell them about the most devastating day in my life. Next month I will have lived 3/4 of a century so that is a lot of days. 

It is New Year's Eve, 2014 and I really don't like New Year's Eve. I have been awake since before 3 this morning with another New Year's Eve on my mind but then that day has been much on my mind for a good bit of this year so this morning is not so different from the last several months.

It was December 31, 1959, I was 19 years old, one month shy of 20 and I was 9 months pregnant with my second child who was due at any time. There had been problems for most of my pregnancy with bleeding and labor pains, trips to the doctor only to be sent home when the labor stopped.

A couple of months before, my mother was in a wreck and was seriously injured. My tv hadn't been on so I had not seen the news, didn't know until my brother and sister knocked on my door. They sat me down before they told me Mom was in the hospital. She had told them she was afraid that I would lose the baby now. 

Back to New Year's Eve, I had stayed the night before at Mom's and Dad's so I wouldn't be alone in our apartment while Len worked on the 3rd shift. When he came in we went home but he had plans to go hunting at his Mom's and Dad's in Indiana and as he was wont to do, he would do as he planned no matter what. I told him today was the day I was going to have this baby. He was rather upset with me for having the audacity to upset his plans. 

There were no pains or other indications that today was the day but I just had that feeling. The baby was moving oddly. Not the gentle stretching and moving about but a wretching, flopping that I had never experienced before or since in my later pregnancies.

Len was like a cat on a hot tin roof. He said he had some things to do and would be back shortly but shortly didn't come. 

By late afternoon, I knew I had to call someone because labor had set in and I was at home by myself with 2 year old Jeff and had no car. It is a good thing Mom was able to drive after her wreck and had gotten another car. We took Jeff to their house to be taken care of by my Granny, called the doctor and went to the hospital in full blown labor. 

Labor stopped once again but it was decided that I should stay at least for the night and Mom went home. 

I could hear the girl in the next room having such a hard time. I found out later that she and I were the same age, she was the daughter of one of Len's coworkers and she had a breech birth. 

I drifted off to sleep when things quieted after she was taken to delivery but excruciating pain brought me out of that. The nurse couldn't believe the baby was already crowning because she had checked not long before. I was rushed into delivery but was told the doctor wasn't there so the baby couldn't be born right now. I was groggy but had the sensation of the baby moving out and being pushed back in several times then was given something to knock me on out. 

"Carolyn, Carolyn", the doctor was trying to get me awake. "The baby didn't make it". He had a permission for me to sign to allow an autopsy to be done on the baby. I was 19, I was alone, I was groggy, I was heart broken and I signed the paper. 

The baby was a boy. I named him Larry after my brother. He was born before midnight on December 31, 1959. He would be 55 years old today. He would be handsome like his older brother, Jeff. I know this because they tell me he looked just like Jeff had when he was born 2 years earlier. I never saw him or held him. He was named Larry because I had been so sure this baby was going to be a girl but Larry bet me if it was a boy he was to have his name and he won. Larry had been my rock through this pregnancy. He took photos of the baby for me but they were destroyed before I could see them. He and Len were the only ones at baby Larry's graveside as I lay in the hospital unable to be there or help with any arrangements.

This bothered me for many years that Larry didn't have a proper, respectful goodbye-that he was in a graveyard by himself till 1995 when I could have him moved to be with my Granny with his family in attendance. His two grandmothers [both of his grandfathers had passed a few years before], his brother, Jeff, his younger sisters-Kim, Donna, Melinda, his nieces and nephews, his aunts and uncles were there and I was there with his dad for a graveside service.

with my Granny

As I said before, this day, these months, have been on my mind almost constantly since August 4 when I got the call of another 19 year old who would be going through the same grief. In that case, there was no forewarning of anything wrong with the baby but there will always be that missing piece, that hole that can't be filled with anything for both those two young people. I think the room is the same as it was the day the door was shut after Isabella-cwainscott.blogspot.com/2014/10/isabella-in-gods-hands.

So, my children, my grandchildren-"All Mine": 

I've never gone into all this deeply before with any of you. This is why losing Isabella has been doubly hard, it has been being 19 again, it has been waking up in a delivery room again to be told "the baby didn't make it", it is seeing the grief and hurt Erin and Travis are going through and not being able to do or say anything that can lessen or take it all away.

This has been a hard year with losing Rick, then Isabella and going through cancer surgery and radiation but I am looking forward to great things for the coming year.

I am going into 2015 knowing that I will see them all one day. We are going to have a great time together. 

May God bless and keep you

Carolyn Wainscott

THE AFFECTS OF ADDICTIONS ON FAMILIES

On my way to lunch with "the gals" I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley tell of a man who had owned a flourishing business, had had a wonderful family and had owned a large home but was now driving a taxi, living in a one room efficiency because he had lost everything. He had begun drinking, oh, just a social drink now and then at first but it didn't take long for alcohol to take over his life. Alcohol had become first in his life to the neglect of everything else-his business, his family, his home. How sad. 

I hope addictions have not impacted your family as it has mine. There have been several drug related deaths, loss of jobs-homes-self respect, loss of family, children uprooted and being raised by people other than their parents, distancing among family members, traffic violations, incarceration, loss of driving privileges, fines, fees-it goes on and on and the road out is a long hard one. 

5 Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. 6 From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment. 

Isaiah 1:5-6 

Most tragic is the affect on the children involved-being raised by others than your parents, the embarrassment of everyone knowing what is going on. Not having nice things like your friends. The sad part is that so many of their friends are in the same condition with absentee parents. Absentee doesn't mean just physically gone, it also means spiritually and mentally. It means children having to fend for themselves. 

With all this, I have no sympathy with addictions after seeing the impact on those children and the rest of the family that has to pick up the pieces and keep things going. They don't have the luxury of copping out the way the addict has and it is a cop-out, a selfishness, a self centered mind set to get that next fix no matter what the cost to those around them. 

My take on addiction is that it is a choice, not a disease and not genetic. There may be a tendency in families towards weaknesses but in the long run it is a choice. God gave us a brain and a mind to choose how we will live our lives and everything we do affects everyone around us like a pebble thrown into a pond with radiating ripples. 

14 And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days

1 Kings 3:14 

The genetic argument was thrown at me over the phone by one of mine. It was what she was being taught at an alcohol half-way house after incarceration from DUIs. I told her if that was the case I was one of the biggest drug addict, alcoholics there is. Since she had never seen me take so much as a drink or smoke a cigarette, she was rather taken aback. I told her all 5 of my uncles were alcoholics and towards the end of Dad's life, he depended on alcohol to give him some relief, though temporary, from the emphysema that had him on oxygen 24/7. I had made the choice in my lifetime not to take my first drug or think that alcohol was a must for a good time. She told me I lived in denial [it is a good thing we were talking on the phone because if I could have gotten to her at that moment it might have been detrimental to her health]. 

I told her it wasn't denial if I chose every morning to get up and do the best I could without numbing myself to circumstances around me, and trust me there were circumstances, it was definitely a choice and not an excuse to excuse myself from life. Bad times may be a reason but it is no excuse. 

Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it so don't give me that genetic, disease, poor little ol' me tommy rot. God gave us our brain and our mind and the freedom of choice-you are what you make of it because when or if you come out of that stupor, life is still there, problems are still there but on the other side of addiction, now they are probably much worse. 

14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. 

2 Chron 7:14 

May God bless and keep you and all yours

Carolyn Wainscott

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE-THANKFUL FOR MY ROOM

There was no good news again this morning on tv either local or national with all the civil unrest and natural disasters.

All of this makes me doubly thankful for my nice cozy room in my nice home that houses 4 generations. Yes, it can get hectic, it isn't what a nice quiet retirement could be but as I sit here enjoying my little electric heater that looks like a fireplace, you won't hear me complain. I love my home and especially my room with its own bath where I can retreat for peace and quiet when I want. 

My yarn is waiting for my next project for Christmas, there is a stack already done and I have several more to do. Photos appear in my email and in messages on facebook from the girls hinting for different handmade things-hats, fingerless gloves, etc. that are too pricey for them to afford . I don't mind, actually I love doing it. They get to wear stuff no one else has and maybe a remembrance later on of the love that went into each piece and I get to pray for them as I work. It is a two-fold, two-way street, they love what I make for them and I love making it for them.  

This evening I will be working on snoods [those 40s looking hairpieces that hold long hair] for three of my granddaughters-Janna, Heather and Kaitlyn. I already have Erica's done. I found the pattern and decided to try it at some point but they saw it laying here and each wants one. 

As I work on the pieces for my girls in front of my fireplace here in my cozy room, there will be much thankfulness for even though I am far, far from being rich, a widow on Social Security, I know that I am still among the top 10% of the richest in the world. 

May God bless and keep you and all yours

Carolyn Wainscott

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is one of my poems I wrote in 1998:

Things haven't changed much, have they? News is still the same. My circumstances are different, however. I was in a different home, I was a wife, My husband retired a couple of years after this was written. We sold that home and moved to what I thought would be my last move to Indiana but that changed also. My husband passed from cancer, that home was sold and here I am back in Ohio. Through all of this I know that God is caring for me.

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE-MY FOREVER HOME

My "I Wills" are way out the window for this week but what else is new? Tomorrow is our weekly Bible study and I got through three of five this morning and still have 2 more to finish. So much for my resolve of doing one a day that I was doing in the first weeks of the study and for a daily post of thanksgiving. If it doesn't get done before my day starts, it isn't going to get done with all the distractions that come in minute by minute-can you relate??

The study is a great one by Max Lucado called "Experiencing The Heart of Jesus" and this is the last week of a ten week study.  I love the way the author writes and brings things into my realm of everyday thinking and the new slant he gives on situations at times.

This week's study is Experiencing the Hope of Jesus. There is an excerpt from Max's book "A Gentle Thunder" -this isn't home-we don't always feel welcome here-we shouldn't-this isn't our home. Our home is where our Father is. 

Jesus said

1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

John 14:1-3  

Jesus is coming back for me and you and the author went on to describe his thoughts on what it will be like when all eyes will be looking into the eastern sky to see angels, angels everywhere singing Holy, Holy, Holy

and then the heavens are quiet and there He is-Jesus riding a great white stallion saying "I am the Alpha and Omega."

AWESOME-I had to write in  the margin beside that passage and just think, it could be at any time, today, tonight, tomorrow. There is a good possibility I will see His return in my lifetime and I will be in my forever home @ Mansion of God, Street of Gold, Heaven 11111. 

One of my favorite Bible passages is:

 And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True

Rev 19:11 

My forever home-that is what I am thankful for today. There have been many heartaches and heartbreaks in this lifetime but there won't be any in that beautiful place. I will get to rock those babies I didn't get to rock here and see all those I am missing. 

My Bible study was great this morning, 

Thank you, LORD, for everything and especially for my Saviour, Jesus Christ.

May God bless and keep you and all of yours today

Carolyn Wainscott